Charlotte Hannah
August 01, 2013

Voodoo Doughnut’s 9 Daffiest Doughnuts


Voodoo Doughnut, a bakery in Portland, Ore., (where else?) is known far and wide for its wacky selection of gourmet confections. If you’re ever in the area, you should stop in for a bite – but for now, just enjoy these pictures and descriptions of some of the company’s most vulgar, funny and daffy doughnuts.

I’ve employed copious amounts of asterisks to protect your delicate sensibilities from the cuss words that are to follow, but I can’t guarantee this post doesn’t contain a picture of a doughnut with a distinctively, uh, phallic shape. In fact, I can guarantee this post does contain that picture. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Voodoo Doll Doughnut

This is Voodoo Doughnut’s signature product: a doll-shaped doughnut stuffed with blood-red raspberry jelly, glazed with chocolate, decorated with a suitably distressed facial expression and stabbed with a pretzel.

Triple Chocolate Penetration

Chocolate cake slathered with chocolate frosting and covered in Coco Puffs. That’s a lot of chocolate to fit in your mouth at one time. Hope you can handle it.

Gay Bar

The gay bar is a bar-shaped yeast doughnut that’s full of cream, topped with vanilla frosting and decorated with a rainbow of Froot Loops. GET IT?! It’s called the gay bar because it’s a bar … with a rainbow on it. So clever!

NyQuil Doughnut

The now retired NyQuil doughnut was a regular ol’ doughnut glazed with real NyQuil. Voodoo stopped offering these, as well as a variety with a Pepto Bismol glaze, after the FDA stepped in. Apparently you’re not allowed to sell food with medicine in it. Who knew?

Old Dirty B**tard

Chocolate frosting. Oreo chunks. Peanut butter drizzle. I don’t know what that has to do with ODB, but it sounds delicious.

The Voodoo Bubble

This simple yet wacky doughnut is topped with vanilla frosting. A coating of bubble gum dust gives it a candy pink hue, and a piece of Double Bubble is perched on top. Wait, does that mean this doughnut will stay in your stomach for seven years? Sounds dangerous.

Maple Blazer Blunt

This is a doughnut shaped like a blunt. It’s covered in cinnamon sugar and the end is dipped in maple frosting and encrusted with red sprinkles that look like embers. You can get this, the Old Dirty B**tard and a Marshall Mathers (a doughnut covered in M&Ms) for just $4.20. I see what you did there, Voodoo Doughnuts.

Tangfastic

The Tangfastic is a cake doughnut with vanilla frosting, topped with three mini marshmallows and dusted with a sweet hit of Tang. Yes, Tang — like the space mission-approved beverage. I’m guessing Buzz Aldrin won’t be buying one of these.

The C*ck-n-Balls

Yep, it’s a doughnut shaped like a d*ck — a dongnut? — and blanketed in chocolate frosting. And the best (worst) part? The “balls” are full of cream. Ewww.

If you liked these, head over to Voodoo Doughnut’s website to check out some of their other cracked creations. And if you’re ever in Portland or Eugene, have a doughnut for me!