11 Completely Unnecessary But Awesome Accessories
Maybe I don’t need 37 pairs of shoes, but I want them. Maybe I don’t need a baguette-shaped shoulder bag to protect my baguette, but … wait a minute, yes I do! Here are 11 completely unnecessary but awesome accessories that you just have to have for yourself — or buy as a unique gift for your lover or baguette-loving friend.
1. The Baguette Bag
Available in yellow, brown, green and grey, the baguette bag from Ukrainian design company CYAN “protects the fluffy loaf while keeping your hands free.” If you buy a lot of baguettes, I can see how this might be a problem. If you’re a low-carber, perhaps you’d like it for zucchinis and cucumbers?
2. Bullseye Bag and Smart Hook for using your phone in the shower
Do you ever need to send a text while also washing your hair? Maybe watch some Netflix Instant while shaving your legs? When your activities just can’t wait, put your smartphone in the Bullseye Bag and hang it in your shower with a Smart Hook. Unfortunately, the Bullseye Bag didn’t reach its Kickstarter goal of $4,750 — and I can’t say I’m surprised.
3. Leopard print six-pack beer holster belt
Let’s say you want to take a six pack of beer to a party, but you don’t want anyone else to drink the brews. Let’s also say you’re an animal print enthusiast who doesn’t want your beer holster to be too masculine, and you’re ALSO someone who can’t be bothered to move locations when your beer is empty.
The leopard print deluxe six-pack beer holster belt from Home Wet Bar is the solution to your very specific set of problems! This adjustable belt accommodates waistlines between 28″ and 43″ and holds both bottles and cans.
4. Giant gummy mustache on a stick
Mustache parties are SO 2011, but I may throw one just so I have a reason to order a giant gummy mustache on a stick from Vat19. Available in Blue Raspberry, Bubblegum, Cola, Green Apple and Red Cherry, this gluten-free facial accessory “simply begs for you to say everything in a posh Mid-Atlantic accent. And then eat it!”
You can buy one for each of the five work days of the week — and I just might.
5. Hello Kawaii Kitty cat hoodie scarf with glove pockets
I don’t even know where to begin with this one … but in case your hands and head get cold while you’re cosplaying as Hello Kitty, the Hello Kawaii Kitty cat hoodie scarf with glove pockets has you covered. It’s also machine washable on the gentle cycle in case you get into some dirty mischief with Grumpy Cat or something.
6. Wine bottle-shaped purse
Winos, stop trying to put a bottle of wine in a purse that isn’t wine-bottle shaped! Instead, get a wine bottle handbag from Uncommon Goods. The site claims “the haute couture cylindrical shape is perfectly suited for bottle toting, with metal feet on the bottom to keep it from rolling around. The exterior is full of fashionable details, from the wicker covering to the faux alligator accents and brass finish hardware.”
When I found out it came with a corkscrew, I was sold.
7. iVictrola for iPhone
I love retro smartphone speakers — but why get compact, convenient speakers when you can attach your phone to a giant victrola? The iVictrola uses old gramophone horns combined with wood to amplify your iPhone without any cords or power. Cool or weird? I can’t decide.
8. Vibrating mascara
Just can’t get enough mascara onto your eyelashes? Maybe you need a mascara brush that vibrates 7,000 times per stroke. I’m serious — Maybelline’s Define-A-Lash Pulse Perfection Mascara is a patent-pending mascara that claims to provide “clump-free definition, intense color and shine” because of its vibrating applicator. Available in washable or waterproof, it also builds lash volume, length and adds curl.
9. Thermometer earrings
LeeAnn Herreid’s Silver Thermoscope Earrings register temperature changes with red (mercury-free) alcohol that rises and falls. Only problem: you’ll need to find a mirror to read them while also wearing them. I’m not sure why you’d ever need the temperature dangling from your ears, but I want these anyway!
10. LEGO brick slippers
Stepping on a LEGO is pretty much the Worst Thing Ever — but what if LEGOs were soft and cushy like slippers? These LEGO brick slippers make that fantasy come to life for just $25, and come in both blue and red. The only question: will they protect you from the pain of LEGOs beneath your feet? If that were true, parents everywhere would require these for sure.
11. $123,000 exoskeleton suit
Money can’t buy happiness? Puh-lease — with just 123 Gs, you can be taller by way of an exoskeleton suit! Transform yourself into a 7-foot tall weirdo with this badass exoskeleton. It’ll only make you 55 pounds heavier, which totally isn’t a problem, right? If you’re a short, awkward millionaire, please please buy this and wear it on a first date.
“You said in your OKCupid profile that you only date tall guys!”