Charlotte Hannah
July 26, 2013

Ladies, Do We Really Need Vibrating Bike Seats?

Would you enjoy riding your bike a little more if it had a vibrating seat? (Wink, wink.) One retailer is betting on it — which is why it launched the Happy Ride seat cover, a vibrating bicycle seat cover with adjustable controls.

The Happy Ride, created by SexShop365, fits over more regular bike seats. It has a small pocket that houses a remote control used for adjusting the intensity of the vibrations.

I’m a fan of both exercise and orgasms, but I just can’t get behind (or on top of) this bike seat.

First of all, despite the fact that it’s described as inconspicuous, this thing’s gotta make noise. There’s no such thing as a silent vibrator, as many an embarrassed teenage girl has discovered. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to pull up to a stoplight, vibing away, only to have some creepy dude in a van in the lane next to me realize what I’m up to. So, there’s that.

Second, biking can be dangerous, especially if it’s of the commuting rather than the leisurely jaunt in the park variety of biking. I need to keep all my mental faculties undistracted by happy vagina feelings so I can keep my eyes on the damn road. There’s something to be said for dying doing what you love, but this is perhaps a bit much.

Oh, and finally: the “O Face.” Can you maintain a stony expression while you ride a magic pleasure bicycle to orgasmtown? Probably not. Sure, you can keep telling yourself that old lady’s horrified facial expression is because she thinks you just had a stroke, but she knows what’s up. She knows.

Would you use a vibrating bike seat?