The 9 Most Annoying People You’ll Meet at the Gym
Summer means it’s too hot to exercise outside (at least if one refuses to get up at a single-digit hour), so I must get my buff on at the gym. Unfortunately, my fellow gym patrons don’t seem to observe basic gym courtesy. Here are the 9 most annoying types of exercisers. Have you met these people too?
1. Loud grunters
AghhhHH!!! ChyeahhhhH! No typed onomatopoeia will do justice to the loud, dramatic grunting I hear from big dudes lifting weights. I appreciate the effort, I do … and I’m not saying we all need to be perfectly silent. But the guys grunting loudly never really seem to be exerting themselves that much; instead, they seem to be seeking attention. Take it down a notch, bros.
2. Couples being touchy
Yeah, baby. Work that butt. Now let’s make out while there’s sweat dripping down our faces. What’s with these people? Is anything grosser than post-workout PDA? If you work out with your significant other, that’s fine — but maybe save the tongue workout til you’re in the shower AT HOME.
3. Chatty strangers
Some people like to be social at the gym — and this fine, except when you’re talking to me and I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE. Maybe other ladies like to make friends while they look disgusting and makeup-free, but I don’t. I think 20 seconds of small talk should be an understood gym limit. Beyond a smile and a “are you still using this,” leave me alone so I can finish my workout and GTFO.
4. Unsolicited advice-givers
Even worse than chatty strangers are chatty strangers who tell you what to do. Calories are a thing? I’m at the gym but I totally didn’t know that! Thanks, unsolicited advice-giver! You know nothing about me and my history of diet or exercise. Unless you’re a personal trainer and my form is so wrong that I’m gonna mangle myself, shut it.
5. Machine hoggers
I’m not the type of person to rush you if you’re using a weight machine — it’s usually not necessary for people to sub in while you’re resting between sets. But if you’re on one machine, you can’t stop me from using a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MACHINE. Oh, you wanted to do a set using all eight lower body machines at once? Or you wanted to discuss your new kale regimen with your bros while sitting on the lat pulldown? Get outta here.
6. Naked locker room loiterers
Places where nudity is allowed (locker rooms, topless beaches) somehow only seem to attract people you don’t want to see naked. Look, I get that we have to take off our clothes to put on other clothes, but must you stand around naked for 15 minutes? Must you put on your makeup while your butt is hanging out? Move it along, people. Seriously.
7. Mirror narcissists
Looking into a mirror to ensure proper form is fine — but is that what you’re doing? Or are you admiring your chiseled reflection? We all sneak peeks in the mirror — but lifting up your shirt every three minutes to check out your abs is lame and gross. Some gym-goers are both mirror narcissists and loud grunters — a truly special breed.
8. Tardy class takers
Oh, yoga started at 6:30? Thanks for coming at 6:47! I get it, we all have work and traffic sucks, but if you’re more than three or four minutes late to a class, you’ll interrupt all of us when we’ve gotten into a groove. This especially bothers me when we’re holding some really difficult pose and then the teacher gets distracted and comes to talk to you, show you where your mat can fit, or whatever else. Hel-lo, I’m standing on one leg with my arm doing something nutso!
9. Women with no ponytails and full makeup
Ladies, ladies. How are you running six miles without your long hair in a ponytail? Don’t give me some shit about wanting to feel the breeze. Are you really concerned that your hair doesn’t look good put up? But even worse than hair-down chicks are women in full makeup. My pores feel clogged just looking at you. If you just came straight from work, maaaybe I can let this go — but midday, I know that’s not your excuse. You’re here to be healthy. Who cares if your lips are the natural color of lips? You’re making my feminism hurt.