5 Unnecessarily Motorized Products for the Lazy Person in You
Why stir, twirl, grind and mix things with your own hands like some kind of prehistoric fool when you can make a machine do it for you? Now you’re thinking like a real 21st century person! Buy one or all of these products so you can save every last bit of your precious energy for yelling at things on the TV and starting meaningless Internet arguments. Welcome to the future!
Automatic spaghetti twirling fork
This motorized fork eliminates the need for a spoon and promises “eating pasta has never been easier.” That’s a real sentence someone wrote, presumably with a straight face.
Motorized ice cream cone
Eating an ice cream cone is tough stuff, eh you guys? Luckily, with this motorized ice cream cone — brought to you by the same company that created the automatic fork, natch — all you have to do is plop some ice cream into this plastic holder (with a fake waffle pattern on it — nice touch) and it’ll do the work of turning that sweet scoop for you!
Electric pepper mill
OK, my parents actually have this for some reason, so I can confirm that yes, it is exactly as stupid as it looks. You press a button, the motor whirs and the electric pepper mill grinds pepper right onto your food. Because there’s nothing like the soothing sounds of a loud electric motor to set the mood at dinnertime.
There are so many different self-stirring mugs out there. Seriously, have we given up on stirring our own beverages? Did I miss something?
Oh, I see. We’ve just given up on stirring in general. The RoboStir’s got three speeds, though. THREE WHOLE SPEEDS.
Margaritaville mixed-drink maker
The Margaritaville mixed-drink maker is programmed with 48 different cocktail recipes and promises to allow your guests to “be their own bartender.” I’m not entirely sure why you feel you need to pay nearly $300 for a machine to mix drinks for you. Being your own bartender is easy: pour booze into glass using either a shot glass or how sad you are at that particular moment, then pour the mix of your choice on top. Bam! Plus, this thing only comes with four containment units for alcohol and mix, which means it can really only make like, nine different mixed drinks at any given time. Laaaaame.