Charlotte Hannah
June 06, 2013

Arizona Community Deeply Offended By Gargoyle Penis (VIDEO)

You think that guy on your street who painted his garage door lime green is bad? (The nerve of him, bringing down the property value like that!) Try living next door to David Smith. This metalworker erected a nine-foot tall handmade gargoyle statue in his yard — complete with a proportionally-sized gargoyle penis.

As you can imagine, the appearance of this penis has rocked the small community of Paulden, Ariz. Almost immediately after Smith put the statue up, Yavapai County officials demanded he take it down, citing concerns from neighbors who were offended that the statue is anatomically correct.

“The frontal nudity of the statue was offensive and they were concerned their children were walking by it,” says a county official in an interview with WGHP. He failed to mention whether Yavapai County intends to pass a law banning people under 18 years of age from looking into their own pants.

Smith says the statue wasn’t meant to offend. As a metalworker, he simply wanted to display a piece of his art – a statue that, according to him, was displayed at his previous home in Phoenix for six years and never drew a single complaint. The statue is naked and has a penis because, well, monsters don’t wear clothes and males tend to have penises. It’s as simple as that.

Even a freaking news segment about it refuses to show us what all the fuss is about, choosing instead to film the statue from behind or with the offending parts cloaked in shadow. Also, take note of how the woman anchor awkwardly wrings her hands and avoids saying “penis.”

First of all, I don’t mean to be pedantic (OK, yeah, I do), but this is actually a grotesque. A gargoyle is monster-shaped waterspout on the side of a building, while a grotesque is a decorative statue. The more you know!

Secondly: Really, you guys? How old are you? It’s a dick. Deal with it.