Charlotte Hannah
April 29, 2013

Columbia Students Would Rather Give Up Oral Sex Than Cheese

I pity people who can’t eat cheese.

That’s not sarcasm – I genuinely feel for people who have allergies, intolerances or diets that prevent them from consuming the most glorious dairy product ever created. They’re missing out on so much deliciousness: grilled cheese sandwiches with mozzarella, pasta with freshly grated parmesan, cracker sandwiches with kielbasa and cheddar, poutine with real curds, cheese fondue … the crumbly, gooey list goes on.

There’s a lot I’d give up before I gave up my sweet, sweet addiction to cheese and everything that can be made with it.

Senior students at Columbia University seem to feel the same way. According to several years of highly unscientific surveys carried out by Columbia’s campus blog (called the Bwog), if forced to choose between a life without cheese and a life without oral sex, more students would pick the latter.

For a number of years, the Bwog has been interviewing outgoing students on a variety of topics for a piece they call Senior Wisdoms. One very important question that appears in Senior Wisdoms every year is, “Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese?”

This year, the Bwog reports that a mysterious figure who goes by the name Fromage ‘13 compiled the results of every survey done between 2006 and 2012 – and the results are pretty clear.

Here’s a quote from Fromage ‘13’s analysis of the results:

“Over all, a fromage-centric attitude prevailed through the sample, with a full 42% of seniors who answered the question reporting that they’d give up oral sex before giving up cheese. For those who said they’d give up cheese, lactose intolerance was commonly cited, as were other dietary restrictions.”

So, there you have it.

Although, I’d like to propose a third option: nobody has to give up either of those things, because they’re both awesome. Discuss.