5 Stupid Products That Are Pointlessly ‘Guy’ or ‘Girl’
Some products, by their very nature, must be marketed toward either men or women. Generally, these products are operated with the genitals.
Beyond that, pretty much everything is fair game. Or it would be if we lived in a world where we didn’t feel we had to reaffirm our gender roles in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. But, because we don’t live in such a world, there are a ton of completely neutral products that are marketed toward a particular gender.
These products usually fall into the following categories:
1. For people — products that are for everyone, unless there’s a suitably lady-fied equivalent.
2. For ladies — products designed to cater to the needs of women, either by being pink or by promising to make the user more attractive.
3. For MANLY BRO DUDES NO GIRLS ALLOWED — products that both men and women enjoy, but that are perceived as girly and therefore must be man-ified through the addition of meat, sports, guns, moustaches, camo print or the word “performance.”
Here are five neutral products that have been unnecessarily gendered:
Tools for ladies
There are a bunch of tool sets “for women” on the market, and all the ones I’ve seen share two defining characteristics: They’re either pink or adorned with flower print and they’re low quality.
On the one hand, I could see a tool set for women being somewhat useful – for example, if the tools were made with smaller hands in mind, since females generally have smaller hands than males. (Could they not just be marketed as tools for small hands, rather than for women?) But some of these sets even go so far as to avoid the tools usually found in a toolkit. Gross.
Because scented candles are evidently the sole domain of the laydeez and teh gayz, Yankee Candle decided to make a line of candles designed especially for the “man’s man” – you know, the beer-cold, women-hot type who wouldn’t be caught dead burning a candle called Sweet Honeysuckle. But they totally dropped the ball by calling them Man Candles, rather than the obvious Mandles.
Man Candles forgo the traditional lavender and citrus for such dudely scents as musk, leather, wood and grass. Their names are as follows:
– Man Town
– First Down
– Riding Mower
I’m not shitting you. There’s actually a line of candles basically marketed with the sentiment “It’s cool, bro; I’m totally heterosexual.” They smell like musk and leather, and have the names MAN TOWN and FIRST DOWN. Am I the only one that doesn’t associate heterosexuality with any of those things?
Sellotape “Just For Girls”
This tape is Just For Girls. What makes it Just For Girls? Well, for one thing, the tape dispenser is pink. And… well, that’s about it, it seems. I’m going to assume its chemical composition is such that it’s ideal for sealing love letters and taping around your toenails so you don’t get nail polish on your feet during home-manicure night.
Axe Detailer Shower Tool
The product you see above is not a loofah. I repeat, not a loofah. It’s a “shower tool,” and it’s for men. Unlike women, with their soft, delicate skin, dudes are basically made of worn leather (perhaps musk-scented leather). Because of that, bros gotta exfolia– er, scrub the shit out of that shit. That’s why they need the Axe Detailer Shower Tool. For dudes, showering isn’t just an everyday occurrence that might even be a bit enjoyable; it’s a job.
Honda Fit She’s
The Honda Fit: She’s a car for ladies. We know this because of its clever name and because it’s pink. Don’t like pink? That’s okay! Honda also offers the ladymobile in brown. Oh sorry, eyeliner brown.
So, which of its features will convince me to buy, er, ask my husband to buy it for me?
Well, for one, it’s got a windshield designed to block “skin-wrinkling ultraviolet rays,” because the most important thing women want in a car is the ability to prevent wrinkles. One might even call that a safety feature.
The She’s also has a “Plasmacluster” climate control system that can purportedly improve the quality of my delicate skin. While I’m pretty suspicious as to whether a Plasmacluster is even a real thing, I’m sure it’s just a complicated concept my delicate lady-brain can’t handle.
The only way this could possibly be more offensive is if it featured a sticker on the back proclaiming, “Lady Driver: Stay Back 15 Feet.”