My Story
Nokyoung Xayasane
December 21, 2012

Surviving a Best Friend Break-Up: BFFs No More

Sometimes TV friendships are way better than real-life. (Photo via Salon)

I think we all hope our friendships will last, especially with our best friends. But sometimes, this just isn’t the case.

My best friend and I recently broke up. It’s been a weird time. Looking back on it, I think I saw it coming long before the actual break-up. We’re really different people, but I’ve always been attracted to different personalities, so I thought nothing of it when we first met.

We broke up over text. I know, utterly lame. Then she deleted me off Faceboook. More lameness. But this isn’t about pointing any fingers. It’s more to say shit happens and people grow apart and move on.

After our break-up, my first instinct was to analyze what went wrong.

I Googled “when friendships break up” and came across Surviving a Best Friend Break-Up. The article doesn’t say anything new about why friendships break up, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only person going through a best-friend break-up.

It’s difficult because we all have this idea about what a good friendship should be. It should be like Carrie and her crew in Sex in the City or Hannah and her buds on Girls (and oddly set in the mecca of fashion, industry and beauty). But as we know, that’s TV-land fiction. It’s nice to suspend our disbelief for 22 to 45 minutes, but the reality is that some friendships come and go. Some last, some don’t.

Women put a lot of emphasis on their friendships with other women. I definitely value my friendships, but it takes two people to continue a relationship.

What’s awkward about today’s break-ups is the publicity of it all. Back in the old days (i.e., before Facebook), you could end things quietly and under the table. Friends would just stop calling each other or stop making plans, but now it’s different.

At the same time, it’s also a lot less public than say, the break-up of a romantic relationship or a marriage. Unlike these other relationships, friendship break-ups may be more hidden. You can’t change your relationship status to “No longer friends” or “BFF minus 1.” It can be more covert but still pretty shitty.

I think the best way to deal with broken relationships, whether they’re friendships, boyfriends, husbands or family, is to surround yourself with caring people and just keep doing you: Do what you love, do what helps you cope, do what makes you happy.

Who knows, maybe a helpful break-up post will be the result.